Trump-Voting Camel Farmer Slightly Peeved
Arizona camel farmer Fatima Fafo is slightly peeved at U.S. President Donald Trump.
"I voted for that man three times," she told The Festinger Gazette, "and I totally believe every single word that flies out of his filthy, lying mouth. But he's stealing my camel hair!"
Mrs. Fafo showed this reporter video footage of Natalie Harp sneaking onto the camel ranch in the dead of night, shaving the arse end of the camels, then creeping away.
"I understand why he needs the hair," Fatima said. "The man looks much better in a camel wig. But just place an order and pay market price. Don't steal. He should only steal from other migrants and poor people, not me!"
The Festinger Gazette has independently verified the hair strands in President Trump's new toupee to be 100% authentic camel arse hair. At the time of writing, we're still waiting to confirm whether the DNA matches Fafo's camels.
"I don't understand how Ms. Harp can spend so much time here at night. She should be at the White House monitoring the President's CPAP machine as he sleeps. And those taser things they use to keep him awake during the day do not charge themselves."
Mrs. Fafo went on to express her regret at voting for President Trump three times.
"I turned a blind eye when he started stealing camel toes to wear around his neck. I turned a blind eye when he stole camel-skin swatches to match his make-up. But the hair! That's it. I'm done. That's the straw that broke the camel's back."
