Nation Mourns Mad King
The United States of America has entered a period of mourning for their Mad King, who died earlier this month at the age of Extreme Dementia. The three official days of mourning are expected to bring tens of millions of bereaved subjects out into the streets to express their grief.
The King died on the fourth of July, celebrating his birthday — and the birth of the nation — by injecting blinker fluid into the veins on the back of his hands. Unfortunately the King overestimated his tolerance for the fluid and overdosed.
White House staff were unconcerned at first. The King's blinks often lasted twenty minutes or more. When the blink extended past twenty-four hours, the King was moved to his gilded bed in his gilded bedchamber that he shared with his Queen, Lindsey Graham.
Three days passed, and the usual pungent aroma of soiled nappies — which habitually surrounded the Mad King in a foggy haze — was overwhelmed by the smell of decomposition. The King's personal physician was called in, and he declared the King's blink had turned into a nap.
Arrangements were made for the King's nap to take place in a gold coffin, which was displayed at the Barack Obama Presidential Center for the requisite seven days. The viewing was an open-casket viewing, allowing viewers to urinate on the Mad King during his nap to help keep him hydrated.
Three days of mourning began after the King's funeral, with massive bereavement gatherings springing up in all fifty states, all territories, and any country with a working internet connection.
Mourners marched and wailed, chanting the traditional chants to a mad king. These chants include:
Entire nation on a bender
The Mad King was a sex offender
and
The King is dead and smells obscene
Long live our most resplendent Queen
Adding to the grief of the mourning nation, Queen Lindsey died during the ongoing mourning period. Her official cause of death is listed as:
"Death by BBC"
The official White House statement on the Queen's passing follows:
"There is no truth to the rumour surrounding the Queen's passing. Her Majesty's gag reflex was impeccable."
The official mourning period is set to be extended indefinitely.
