Senator's Spine Breaks Auction Record
Several body parts were harvested from U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham after his recent passing for an auction to raise funds for SAGE, the advocacy service for LGBTQ+ elders.
Some internal organs, including the late Senator's heart and brain, showed surprisingly little signs of wear and tear. The stand-out item, however, was Graham's spine.
Carnival 'Carney' Barker, chief auctioneer at the revered auction house Charleston Auction and Pancake House, could not contain his glee at the outstanding piece.
"This spine is in mint condition!" Barker exclaimed before the auction. "It has never been used! It's still wrapped in the amniotic fluid it came in."
The spine broke a global record at the auction, commanding the highest price ever paid for a body part. The previous record was held by the middle finger of Ivana Trump.
Other items, such as the near-new heart and brain, also raised respectable amounts at the auction. One curiosity, the late politician's liver, had to be withdrawn from consideration before it went on the auction block. The scarred piece was last seen dragging itself to an incinerator, begging for release.
The only items passed in during the auction were Graham's knees, which were deemed to be as worthless as the ground they worked on.
