Korean Beauty Brands Snatch Up Ex-Podcasters
Conservative podcasters, fearful that a blue wave will overwhelm the orange craze and wash away their red income streams, have started looking for other employment opportunities. Korean beauty brands have identified this untapped potential and started employing the hateful pundits en masse.
Korean make-up utilises finely ground pearl dust to achieve its glass-like perfection, but manufacturing processes and automation are expensive and drive up the prices of these beauty products. Oh Yoo-Suk, CEO of Korean beauty brand Pound It, explained his company's transition from automation to conservative ex-podcasters like this:
"These conservatives love their work. They love to clutch pearls. All we have to do is show footage on the big screen of liberal types living their lives, and the conservatives clutch those pearls so hard they turn into dust.
"Their commitment to the job is outstanding. We have to force them to take toilet and hydration breaks. We enforce a strict eight-hour break protocol after a seventy-two-hour shift.
"We have been able to remove all automation equipment and reduce our electricity burden significantly. Of course, we won't be passing these savings on to consumers."
There has only been one reported death on the pearl-clutching floor. The company tried to increase production by showing footage of a gay couple with children, living without fear of being struck down by a vengeful God, at which point worker Mitch McConnell popped an aneurysm. His corpse, however, does continue grinding pearls to this day.
"Our company owes a large amount of its current success to the animated corpse of Mitch McConnell. It grinds pearls to such a fine powder that a new type of nanoparticle has been created."
Researchers have confirmed this new nanoparticle is the smallest particle known to science. The previous record was held by the testicles of men in the manosphere.
