President Piggy Refuses To Go To Market
Washington DC, U.S.A.
21 November, 2025
In a stunning turn of events, this little piggy refused to go to market. Instead, he went wee wee wee wee, all the way home.
President Piggy, prized hog at the trough of taxpayer funds, refused to board the bus bound for market today, citing heel spurs as an excuse.
The meat from this particular breed is prized for its characteristic orange crackling, and is known to produce bacon infused with outrage and ozempic. According to pork experts, the breed also has very little hair.
When asked if he would consider pardoning the pig, U.S. President Donald J. Trump issued the following word salad:
<quote>
Market. It's an old-fashioned word, but a beautiful word. Many people say we have the best markets in the world. The biggest. Our stock markets have never been higher!
But these days, we don't have markets. We have abattoirs. You know that. Big shiny abattoirs worth billions of dollars, manned by AI because American workers are too lazy to slaughter their own food. And we can't trust the people on the unemployment lines not to steal.
Another word for abattoir is slaughter house, and you know who needs to be sent to the slaughter house? Radical leftie dems. Radicals like those seditious traitors who called me out for my fascist power grab and illegal actions. Do they hang people at the slaughter houses? No order I give can be illegal!
takes a deep breath
Honestly, though, I have no idea what most of those words mean. I just repeat them because the talking heads on Fox News say nice things about me.
drools from side of mouth
<end quote>
On a personal note, this reporter will cease eating pork products going forward to support President Piggy.
Piggy power! ✊
